Absinthe-Minded Slurs Show Everyone in a Bad Light

“A drink a day keeps the shrink away”

– Edward Abbey

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Yesterday was Time To Change’s ‘Time To Talk’ day. A big part of the campaign was, and is, a scheme where people pledge to end mental health stigma- showing solidarity with sufferers and survivors. At this present moment 78751 people have made this pledge, in support of the Time To Change campaign, run by Mind and Rethink Mental Health.

Today, the 6^th of February 2015 is the 7 monthiversary of my sober year to raise money for Mind- The Mental Health Charity. A perfect occasion on which to update anyone who’ll listen (or read) on my Sober Situation:

I’m still not drinking. I’m still going out and partying, just without alcohol. I didn’t get drunk on my birthday.

To date I have raised two hundred and twenty two pounds, fifty pence– putting me slightly ahead of my target of a pound a day. So thank you to everyone who has so kindly donated their hard earned money to support me in my efforts and Mind in it’s mission to help people suffering with their mental health.

In trying to make my blog and message accessible and not too hard to stomach I realise that perhaps I have seemed a little flippant regarding my sober campaign both within this blog, and while I’m going about my alcohol free life. I do not mean to disrespect or belittle in this flippancy, nor do I wish to seem insincere; as my seven complete sober months show, I am incredibly committed to this challenge, and to changing the way we view mental illness in a wider sense.

In the wake of the very successful Time To Talk day I feel that it’s important that we address potentially harmful glibness regarding problems of the mind. We live in a society where 63% of references to mental health in television are ‘pejorative, flippant or unsympathetic’, including such out-dated (and, let’s face it, fairly tragic) terms as ‘crackpot’, ‘basket case’ and ‘looney tunes’. This lack of respect is clearly problematic for those suffering from mental illness, increasing feelings of loneliness and supporting the painful thought that nobody understands. It’s also just rather silly.

We can’t help how our brains work, just as we can’t control the colour of our skin, or our physical health. Society as a whole is disgusted by racism. We would be horrified if a television show suggested a cancer patient was somehow inferior and to blame for their condition. It’s a shame that we’re so slow to disparage the thoughtless and irresponsible trivialisation of mental illness.

No single individual is responsible for society’s willingness to be off-hand; the popularity of ‘rape jokes’ shows that it isn’t a sign of cruelty towards the mentally unwell, and more a signifier of general illness of humour. However, every individual who chooses not to use cringeworthy phrases and jokes relating to sensitive topics, helps the situation slightly.

Tips for Going Dry for January, from someone who’s done six months sober already (including Christmas!!)

It’s January, and Cancer Research is asking you to take on the Dryathalon (just like me!)! So if you’re stuggling through the sober parties etc you can check out these hints from the voice of drink-free experience! For me January will be like the previous six alcohol free months, which I’ve undertaken to raise money for Mind- The Mental Health Charity. However, one month is still a big challenge, in fact I’d say my first month alcohol free for was most difficult.

So if you’re thinking about taking up the challenge and doing a dry month to raise money for another good cause, here are my dos and don’ts of alcoholic abstinence:

1. DO find replacements- alcohol-free beers are almost as good, Tequila Sunrise sans Tequila isn’t too different. Jagerbombs without the Jager are basically the same- they’ll still make your breath smell like vomit and if you drink 12 Red Bulls you’re still going to feel a bit unwell.
2. DON’T torture yourself. You like cocktails? Steer clear of cocktail bars. You love Guinness? Avoid Ireland. If you can, avoid specific challenges to your willpower, or you’ll end up weeping in the toilets over alcohol free strawberry daiquiris.
3. DO understand that it is your choice. You can’t expect your friends not to drink in front of you, just because you’ve decided to become a bastion of human willpower.
4. DON’T be irritating about it. You’ve given up pouring toxins down your throat for a month- you are not Mother Teresa.
5. DO treat yourself in other ways. I couldn’t have a beer on holiday, so I spent the money that would have gone on that on a massage. I normally drink diet coke, so sometimes, on special occasions, I go wild and have a Sprite. You save a ridiculous number of calories by not drinking alcohol, which means you can eat that much cake, guilt free.
6. DON’T stop going out. Sober nights out are still great fun, and they’re much cheaper. People watch as those around you lose the ability to stand upright.
7. DON’T make a tit of yourself though- remember, you can’t blame bad behaviour on vodka..
8. DO remember it’s for a good cause- any limit on your own life enjoyment is minimal compared to what the people you’re raising money for are suffering
9. DON’T forget you’re not drinking. When you go out sober, you don’t have the Beer Blanket to keep you warm. You also don’t have the numbing effect of drink available to look after heel-clad feet
10. DO remember me- when you’ve slogged your way through the cold, Dry January, spare a thought for someone who still has another five months to go (including my birthday). You can show your support by donating at http://www.justgiving.com/KatGoesSober

Monthiversary!

Diary of a Night Out

7pm– shower, accompanied sometimes by my trusty wine bottle if I’m running late. Get dressed, make up, brush teeth, toothpaste falls on top, change clothes. Attempt to do something with fine wispy hair, fail, blow dry upside down to trick myself into believing that it has some volume. Corridor is shouting me for pre-drinks. Locate purse, and wine. Head outside

8pm– Predrinks. We’re students. It’s what we do.

11pm– Head out. Dance, chat, sometimes cry

2:30am– Late night snack with a calorie count close to the GDA of a 10 year old child

6am– Wake up, contact lenses still in. Genuinely believe for 1 to 7 minutes that my eyesight has been cured. Realise that while wine has many good qualities, curing short sightedness isn’t one of them. Out of bed. Scoop contact lenses out of poor dry little eyes. Swallow my body weight in water. Maybe turn off bedroom light. Back to bed

11am– Wake up and start the day

Total= 16 hours

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 This week was my Monthiversary of not drinking! To celebrate my success, I drove my parents and some family friends to the pub!

When I first made this commitment, 25 days, 23 hours and 5 minutes ago, I decided that I needed a motivational way to measure my progress through the year. I came up with the idea of making a giant wine bottle shaped totaliser, so that I can colour in each week that I don’t drink for, and see my sobgress (sober progress- I do hope the term catches on). This week, spurred on by my subconscious’s disrespectful desire for wine, I finally got around to beginning to make it. The papier-macheing things is much more goopy and time consuming than I remember it being when I was younger. 

Revisiting my childhood love of papier-mache…

Progress on the wine bottle totaliser has been slow- it’s fully mache-d now though- I just need to paint it. Luckily I’ve got another 48 weeks to go, so it may be finished by the anniversary of my break-up with the bottle!

Over the course of those 48 weeks, I should save approximately 1,344 hours, or 56 days by not drinking. That is madness! I calculated, by compiling the glorious ‘Diary of A Night Out’ which began this post, that I waste about 28 hours a week when I drink. That sounds like an outrageous amount, but it adds up.

I need to spend that time on something useful instead, so I’ve compiled a list of possible activities:

• Making a giant wine bottle shaped thermometer/ totaliser thing
• Working
• Sleeping
• Eat the 10 slices of apple pie, or 40 rashers of bacon I could have instead of 2600 wine calories
• Knitting
• Reading the literature I’ve always wanted to read, but haven’t had the time for
• Talking to people who are important to me
• Doing nice things for people who are important to me
• Studying
• Self analysis
• Exercising
• Raising awareness of mental illness and helping to break down the stigma that is still, sadly attached to it. Society doesn’t think it’s cool to have a broken wrist, but find a hurt ankle unpalatable. Taking Prozac shouldn’t have to be made a secret any more than taking Gaviscon is. But it is. In 2011, 77% of people agreed with the statement that ‘mental illness is an illness like any other’, that’s great. But it needs to be 100% really.
  

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Exactly what this year’s holiday is NOT going to be like

It’s only really this week that I’ve started thinking longingly of boozy nights out in Lloyd’s and Christmas without mulled wine and sherry. In flicking through the photos on my phone I came across an idyllic scene from last years family holiday; azure sky, sunloungers laid out in neat rows beside a cerulean pool, and a turquoise cocktail over ice. It also dawned on me then that this year, on my upcoming trip to Greece, I will not be sipping all inclusive cocktails by the pool.  Previously, the temptation to drink has only reared its tipsy, beer-breathed head on occasions when those around me have been letting loose, so my new desire for a glass of wine in the bath has surprised me a little. I’m staying motivated though- it’s just Mind over matter.

It’s Pretend Beer for the Rest of the Year!

This week I faced my biggest challenges yet- dinner out with friends, a party, and the inheritance of 8 bottles of whisky.

Dinner was lovely- great to catch up with friends, and not drinking didn’t dampen this at all. However, post dinner drinks were a little harder. Normally, if I was not drinking alcohol, I’d have Diet Coke, so, in my attempt not to feel left out, if those around me are drinking, I’ve been trying to treat myself with something different. My current favoured alcohol alternative is Fanta. So when the pub we attended didn’t have Fanta I felt a little let down- no one’s ever said ‘Sorry love, we don’t do wine’ before, why should my soft drink of choice be unavailable?! However, I got my head around it and had a lovely evening, from which I was able to drive home!

Next challenge; My First Sober House Party. Incidentally, it was at the same location as my First Drunk House Party, 4 years ago. Friends and family offered lots of support in preparation for this big challenge; my lovely mother bought me some more of Shloer’s Pink Fizz, and some of Belvoir’s lovely Pink Lemonade. And the wonderful party host, Ian, a man who donated to my Just Giving page, whilst drunk, had soft drinks at the ready, in the cooler, nestled among the beers.

Things got off to a rocky start, though as I managed to forget to take them to the party. In a moment of initiative though, I stopped off at the supermarket on the way, for an anti-booze run. There I made an exciting discovery- non alcoholic beer and cocktails. The two things I’d been missing the most; the trauma was over! Grabbing as many bottles as I could manage, I staggered to the till, presumably resembling an alcoholic who’d got a bit confused and raided the wrong aisle.

‘Age verification needed’

I was being ID’d. For a 6 pack of pretend beer, emblazoned with ‘non-alcoholic’ and ‘0.00% alcohol’.  I admit, my reaction surprised everyone at the self-checkout, myself included. ‘Are you joking, Automated Woman? Are you toying with me Mrs Computer? I’m doing this for CHARITY!’

If anyone does have any mildly reasonable explanation as to why my age needed to be verified in order to buy ALCOHOL FREE BEER, I would be wildly appreciative, because, surprisingly, the self check out machine did not explain herself.

Although she did calmly tell me that there was an unexpected item in the bagging area.

Hanging up the Corkscrew

‘You’re crazy to do that!’- what beautiful irony. I celebrated my first week free of the demon drink, in aid of Mind, by having a wild night in with my parents, puppy and a litre bottle of local lemonade. My second Sober Sunday, of the 52 I will eventually do, was spent with friends in London, them with wine, me with sparkling grape juice. It was odd not drinking; it’s nice to have something to do with your hands in that environment, but it didn’t dampen the evening.

When the close friend I told that I was going sober for a whole year, a year of student life no less, responded that I was crazy, she said it admiringly. But crazy isn’t always a positive thing. According to Time to Change’s Stigma Shout survey, 87% of people who suffer from ill mental health experience stigma and discrimination. Similarly, over 50% of sufferers don’t disclose their mental illness because they anticipate discrimination. In a world where one of the most overused pieces of advice is ‘be yourself’, no one should be forced to hide elements of themselves. This is why I’m doing 365 Dry Days- to raise money and awareness for a cause which society often prefers to turn a blind eye towards.

I’m 17 days into my 365 without alcohol. I’ve raised 10% of my target already.  So thank you so much to everyone who’s donated, showing a remarkable amount of faith in my commitment to the cause. I’m fiercely determined to prove to you all that they’re right to do so.

I’ve been breaking myself in gently, spending time at home, away from the party atmosphere that I feared would most tempt me. However, I’ve faced two major challenges in the past 17 days; my Mother’s 50^th birthday, and a balmy summer afternoon.

Mum’s Birthday was predictably a boozy affair- a milestone for her, but she kindly insisted she would not be popping open the champagne in celebration, in support of my endeavours. However, in the lead up to her birthday, with bottle after bottle piling into the house from her friends, I felt very guilty about this. So, to allow her to enjoy the day, and celebrate as she would normally have done, I bought her a bottle of Brut myself. I refrained from consumption, settling instead for Sholer Celebration Pink Fizz, which tasted surprisingly similar to rose champagne, if a little sweeter.

The summer afternoon was harder still, a lovely day in London, walking past the beers and ciders in Marks and Spencer and fighting the desire to buy one and go and socialise with friends in a park, sipping cider in the sunshine. I didn’t want to get drunk, I just wanted that crisp taste, the embodiment of a summer’s day. We went shopping instead- more productive, more fun, and probably better for the beach bod!

I understand that it will be difficult not to drink at times. I’m a student, I enjoy socialising, my parents believe that there is a legitimate human right to nice wine. I love a beer at the races and a cocktail on a summer evening. However, saying no to a Martini is not going to be as tough as finding motivation to get up and live life, when you can’t find it in yourself to care at all.

Over the next week, to keep up my motivation to stay alcohol free, I’m going to write a list of things I can do with the money and time I’ll save by not drinking each week. Please send me any suggestions you have!